Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
