i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
