If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
