the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
