Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
