I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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