Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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