Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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