If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
