when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
