I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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