Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
