Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
