There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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