he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
