we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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