hell yes lets make some ravioli
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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