I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
