Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
