My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
