Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
