I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
