hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
