watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
