ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My liver just broke up with me...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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