Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
