Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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