something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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