He told me they were just razor bumps!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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