I smell stomach acid.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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