Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
