i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
