Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
