she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
