my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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