i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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