I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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