I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
