Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
