We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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