hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
