I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
