Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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