went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
