he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
