xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
