Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
