People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
