I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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