I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
