Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
