he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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