Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
