Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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